Routines and Flexibility

Like many preschoolers, Noah thrives on routines. Because Noah does not always understand spoken words, routines help him understand what to expect.

One simple routine we have is playing in the backyard. When I tell Noah, “Shoes on, time for outside” he grabs his shoes and sits in front of the patio door. The way that we get ready to go outside is usually the same but Noah is flexible about the types of activities we do once we are in the backyard (e.g. swing, slide, balls, water table, wagon, etc..). Noah does sometimes get stuck on certain aspects of the routine. When it was colder weather, getting ready to go in the backyard also involved Noah putting on his jacket. When the weather transitioned from chilly to warm, Noah continued to go to the closet and tell me, “jacket” before heading outside.  I tried to explain that he didn’t need his jacket (it was 80 degrees outside) but he still insisted on putting it on and wearing it outside in the heat. It took about a week for Noah to accept that he no longer needed a jacket outside. Because of the pandemic, there is not a lot of variation in our daily activities. For Noah, putting his shoes on means only two things-he is either going in the backyard or going in the car. Recently, Noah played with our neighbor for the first time since the pandemic started. In getting ready to go to their backyard, I told Noah to put his shoes on. I tried to explain to Noah that we were going to see his friend and showed him a picture of his friend but he did not understand what was happening and had a huge meltdown. He thought he was going in the car and no matter what words I used, he just didn’t understand what I was asking him to do and why he was being denied access to the car. Despite him screaming and crying, I knew I had to follow through so that he would understand that sometimes shoes on means something different and that is ok. Once we finally got to our neighbor’s backyard, he was totally happy and thankfully recovered quickly.  

Noah’s routines also help us introduce variations to his schedule. Noah recently dropped his nap and we transitioned to quiet time in his room. Our nap routine used to involve me reading to Noah, putting on his sleep sack, putting Noah in his crib (#cribtilcollege), turning the light off and turning his fan and noise machine on. When we decided to drop his nap, I changed the routine by doing everything the same except leaving the light on and noise machine off (so he wouldn’t fall asleep). I also put a few books and puzzles in his crib so he had something to play with during quiet time. Noah did climb out of the crib during “quiet time” after a few days so I decided it was time to try quiet time without the crib and just let Noah do puzzles and books in his room. Noah did not like this change and insisted I put him in his crib. Even though he climbs out of the crib every single day during quiet time, I keep it as part of his routine because it makes sense for Noah. Thankfully, he is a skilled climber and I don’t actually worry about him getting hurt. By changing small things in his routine, we have been able to successfully implement quiet time, 30 minutes a day, where Noah can safely and independently play in his room without needing mom’s help.

While we have routines surrounding many of our daily activities (waking up, going to school, mealtimes, bath, bedtime, etc..) we obviously do not have routines for everything. Noah is a contradiction at times in that he has some behavioral rigidity and thrives with routines yet can also be easygoing and always ready for the next adventure. Noah loves going in the car and listening to music on the road. It doesn’t matter where we are going as long as we are on the move. I can take Noah to new places and he is happy to explore (especially outside in nature). I think it’s important to strike a balance between schedules and routines while also allowing Noah and our family to be flexible.